K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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