I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
