Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
