So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
