Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
