Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
