Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
