Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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