Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
