I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
