I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Acid is not a monday night drug
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
