How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
