whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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