It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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