All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize