We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize