I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
