Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
