Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize