so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
