is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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