My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
