idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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