Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
