Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
