I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
