I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
