She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize