There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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