I faked an abortion last night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
