You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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