I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
