I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
