why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
