bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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