11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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