I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you had me at cake vodka
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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