even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
