Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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