the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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