On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
