I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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