Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
