If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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