I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
