well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
