Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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