I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
