I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we're making bets on your personal life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
