so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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