Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
