That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
