So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
