Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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