I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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