Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont even know how to be here
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
