can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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