The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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