He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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