he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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