I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
