you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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