I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
