I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
