i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
