Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i out mim tonsoeep
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