I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
wow bdsm is so cute
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