My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
